Let me explain

Let me just say one thing. I post these blogs not to prove the whom ever reads them that I am a better parent or better than anyone(although that is what I am told I think I am). I post in hopes that someone can enlighten me with some advise to help me salvage whats left of my relationship with my children. It also gives me an avenue to lay out my thoughts.

The Pattern

Its has taken me many years to finally establish a pattern. Alienation, a word most people would never associate with children. Alienation, I have learned has many faces. It can be in the form of texting, e-mails and the most difficult to see face to face and via phone calls. I have a very difficult time wrapping my brain around the thought of a parent alienating their children from another. I am in a very unique situation, I have lost one child to cancer and now I can only sit back and watch as my ex very effectively uses her skills in the art of parental alienation to remove the other children from my life. I refuse to play into that behavior, the problem is if you do not figure out how to thwart this behavior you watch your relationship with your child deteriorate and it is a very heart wrenching process. This is where I ask for help, as of yet I have not figured out how to deal with this situation. As I have said before, these are my crazy ex files.

It is hard to figure out where to start because as I look back this behavior has been ongoing for many years in many different forms. The marriage ended 7 years ago, thats when the behavior started. Sit back and enjoy some examples at times the alienation is hard to identify and sometimes it just stabs you right in the heart, but remember it is a process. You can't just come out and tell the children to hate your ex, you have to twist and manipulate their innocent minds one comment at a time.

I will start with one of the most recent situations, the children were at their mom's, they are all in the same house mind you and my daughter is e-mailing and texting her mother from one room to another. It was Sunday night around 10:30, Monday was a holiday and the children were due to return to me Monday afternoon and my daughter was not feeling well and e-mailed this to her mother...

Wait first let me give you the link to a website that my ex sent me, I was told that I could use a lot of the tips that are listed .http://www.helpguide.org/mental/coparenting_shared_parenting_divorce.htm
This link is a fantastic reference for you as you read through this and future blogs.

Ok back to the e-mail-
Mommy i will miss you when i maybe go to school on tuesday
love (name left out)
The Response from mommy(who by the way is about 30 feet away in the other room, a blog for another day)
I miss you each and every day that you are not home with your mother where you belong!!
I love you!
Refer to the above website link please:)
Let me translate for you- you belong with me not your father and I am so sad when you're not here with me{so you should feel bad about that and worry about me when you're at your father's}. I maybe wrong, but I don't think so.

But Why?

Why?,  Can't we just coexist (as the bumper sticker goes).  Why do we react the way we do? What drives us, what is our motivation? When couples divorce what becomes the driving force behind the decisions that we make? In my experience the driving force is how miserable will this decision make my ex! What can I do to piss them off and how often can I do it? This is done at any cost, lets put the kids in the middle, lets lie to the kids and anyone else that can be unknowingly manipulated by whatever facts (or fiction) we can  made up.  Lets try and alienate one parent from their children, oh what the hell lets see if we can even get the kids to actually hate the other parent. I mean the sky is the limit, besides that SOB deserves it right? After all its all the other parents fault anyway.  Like sands through the hour glass, these are the stories of our crazy ex's. There is a personality disorder in here somewhere, so as we carry on with our stories please feel free to (diagnose, judge) try and pick out how many there are. Sorry there is no prize and definitely no winner (we’re all losers here – just ask your ex) only the satisfaction of playing (and of course being right).    

The Introduction

All you really need to know about me is that my ex is batsh*t crazy!  Over the past 5 years, i've learned a couple of things...  if your ex is crazy, it has an unparalleled capacity to suck the life out of you on a daily basis, and if you talk to people whose exes aren't crazy, they just don't understand.  So here it is - my self proclaimed support group for people with crazy exes.  Maybe it will make you feel better to tell your story to people who "get it", or maybe it will be therapeutic to read stories from people whose exes are even crazier than yours.  Or, for those of you currently in normal, happy, healthy relationships, maybe it will just serve as a source of entertainment.  But let it also serve as a warning - remember the person you marry is never the same person you divorce.  So if and when the day comes that you realize YOUR ex is crazy, we'll be here for you ;-)