The Bait and Switch

I just never saw it coming, like a charlie horse one minute you're fine the next you're on the floor holding your leg saying WTF was that. I do my best to keep the children out of the middle and when  I do that I magically become above the law. The harder I try to reason with insanity the more I become the unreasonable bastard. This story is very troubling to me, because this is when I realized that my ex was talking trash about me to my son. When you get divorced both parties promise they will never speak ill of each other to the children, that's what happened in my case. As the years and disagreements carry on you suspect that trash talking is going on but you just can't prove it. Thinking it is happening is one thing but actually seeing the words, well that just hurts.

It was New Year's Eve, a Friday night. My ex was on her way back from vacation with her boyfriend (or the soon to be blogger of his crazy ex) and I had to work the next day. I was informed by my ex via text message that her flight landed at 7am Saturday morning and my son told her he wanted her to come by as soon as she got off the plane to pick him and his sister up from my house.  I responded lets just let the kids sleep in and [my wife - a.k.a. "they're my children not hers"] will just bring them to you between 10-11. My Ex responded Ok that sounds good, see you then.

That night I put my son to bed, like I do every night and I explained that there is no reason for them to wake up at dark thirty in the morning, just sleep in and [my wife] will take you and your sister to mom's around 11ish after an appointment she had. My son responded "Ok that's fine, good night."

Silly me, I thought that was the end of it, for once an agreement between my ex and me. I almost wanted to mark the day on the calendar, but alas my joy was short lived (and pretty naive). I understand that the decisions I make will not always be liked by my children, I am not always going to be on their top ten list, at least if I'm doing my job correctly. My son starts to text his mother about- "This is so stupid, dad is not even going to be here, why can't you just come pick us up." His mother's response was (this is the one that hurt) "Well I will call him when I get off the plane and see if he has changed his mind, your dad's just trying to punish me for some reason. I love you!!"

So after that comment, I finally understood why I would frequently get nasty looks and not a word spoken when I would see my son (no more chalking it up to being a moody teenager). I have not said anything about this to him because what am I going to say, your mother is lying? I don't want to get into a totally inappropriate pissing contest with my ex on who turns the kids against whom. It really does not need to be this way.  That was the first time I truly identified the alienation for what it was.  And from that day on I have watched it take hold and take off.